Nifty Fifty - The Goddess project my NPL journey
#thegoddessproject
Today I sit in my garden under my big African trees listening to the birds and feeling the gentle breeze against my skin. Yipe life is good right now. It has not always been good nor has it been kind to me. I am a survivor. Survivor of an abusive childhood filled with painful memories, but also filled with triumph of the human spirit. I have chosen be be a warrior not a quitter.
You see I survived a violent and alcoholic father, I survived physical and mental abuse. I survived years of sexual abuse from a family member and a family friend's son. The denial, the blame the avoidance of the reality. The emotional blackmail. The teasing and bulling at school because I was that skinny little girl with the cloths too big, holes in her shoes and that father that was always drunk.
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| my beloved Desert Kommando |
I worked at a friend's bakery from the age of 10 years old, the money I made paid for my school fees right up until I was in matric, all R27.19 of it per school term. I remember the headmaster making us all stand up in assembly in front of the entire school because our school fees had not been paid, The public humiliation was over whelming. I promised myself that it would never happen again.I paid for my own horse, a horse I rescued from abuse, all R250 of it and paid the monthly stable fees. I bought all my own toiletries, I bought my first brand new pair of clothing, a pair of pink jeans (I know don't judge me) when I was in matric. Other than that it was hand me downs or handmade clothing for me. My mom made and sold preserves and bought me my black and red show jumping jacket, something I treasure and still have to this day!
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| Christmas day in Karkloof, Howick Natal Midlands in the back row walking around in a dress (once a year only!!) |
I had a lonely childhood. I grew up mostly on farms, many of them in fact, due to my fathers drinking he would become violent and 18 months to 2 years along we would have to move after an altercation with the owners of the farm. We moved house 11 times, schools 5 times and 2 provinces by the time I was 14 years old. As a little girl I would come home from school and play with the farm workers children, mostly the young boys and we would run riot on the farms, fishing, swinging from monkey ropes, swimming in the rivers, hunting and making clay water buffalo, leaving them inside the tree cracks to dry out. I rode horses every day with my pack of dogs in tow heading for the mountains and valleys to escape what was happening at home. This was my escape, my safety net and place of peace.
When we were naughty myself and the young boys would have to go and smear cow dung on the floors of Gogo's (grandmother) mud and straw hut. I loved her but she was scary, especially when she spoke with the ancestors!! We would also throw dung mounds against the walls of the hut to dry out and use as coals for the fire. Great African fire lighters!! I also spoke Zulu fluently, in fact better than I spoke English. This created a different type of challenge for me. I was that white kid at school whose parents did not want their kids to come and play with on the farm. I was seen as the weird girl that looked white but acted black. During apartheid this was frowned upon. I found it difficult to connect with others so I found solace with my pets, my dogs and horses, with long walks into the mountains, exploring the forests and spending a lot of time alone. Fishing in the sea, collecting shells, long walks on the beach. Perhaps this is why I like to adventure out into the unknown, to recharge my batteries out with nature.
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| Me sitting in the front row 2nd from the right with cuts on my legs from one of my many adventures!! |
That been all said and done, I was always the skinny tomboy kid with the Wednesday legs and Lucky legs (lucky they don't break and whens they gonna break) never having the opportunity to reach her full potential. But now as an adult I have choices that I never had as a child. I am the captain of my own ship, no longer held back or weighed down by my past. It was full steam ahead. I am blessed to have married a really fantastic and kind man who loves me and could not be more opposite to what my father was. I have been blessed with three beautiful and well adjusted children who are now adults.
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| standing in front with the striped shirt |
I have a job that I love. I am a District Medical Officer for the Fire Dept and a qualified Advanced Life Support Paramedic and Rescue Technician. I get to save lives and make a difference. I have even had the privilege to travel to Nepal during the Earthquake as part of the South African team to assist the victims of the massive earthquake.
I have my own small charity, The Team Zodwa Project and work really hard putting in extra overtime shifts to pay for some really great adventures that has seen me climb some of the worlds highest mountains, visit far away lands like Russia, see Rome and Venice. Nothing like hard work to achieve your goals. I started Adventure with a Purpose and together with my best friend started Bucket list Odyssey adventures.
Then menopause happened and it changed my life. I have never had to diet in my life up until now. I have never had a weight problem up until now. In 4 years I put on 15kg. I ballooned to 80 odd kgs. I hated my body, I hated myself. For the first time in my life I felt like dying. What was the point. I could not look at myself in the mirror, I was repulsed by my body. I went from a size 32 to 36 and had one pair of size 38 jeans. This stranger was staring back at me and did not want her to hang around. She was going to go. I wanted her out of my life and so my NPL journey began.
I was blessed enough to get a little help from my friends - Thomas and Jo Oschenbein who are agents for NPL here in South Africa. They approached me after I told them how I hated myself and that I was at my wits end. I was at gym 3 to 4 times a week, swimming 5 km a week, hiking 3 times a month and watching my diet yet I was not loosing weight instead my weight was increasing. We identified many challenges in my way. Some I had control over and others that were controlling me.
I work long hard physically and mentally challenging shifts in the inner city of Johannesburg and slums, considered one of the most dangerous places in the world for both policeman and paramedics. I have been attacked many times, had guns pointed at me, a gun held to my head and had an attempted rape incident. So my stress levels are very high adding to that I work alone on a response car. I deal with hectic calls from people hit by trains, falling from buildings, shootings stabbings, murders rapes, people knocked over by cars, many dead children and the list goes on. I work in the notorious men's hostels and dangerous hot spots. I work 12 hour shifts with 4 days on and 4 days off. To give you an idea this is a typical shift cycle:
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| with one of my brothers in blue keeping me safe on the beat! |
"Day one: up between 4h30 and 5h00. Get ready - pack your cooler box- lunch and snacks prepared night before - drive to shift - on the beat ready to roll at 07h00. 12 hr shift. But emergencies don't watch the clock. Arrive back at station at 21h30. You are beat - dirty full of blood vomit and street crap - wash blood off equipment - pack your stuff away - sort out vehicle and hand over to night crew. Pack your personal car and drive home. Before that you reply to your family's 10 missed calls wandering where you are. Home at 23h00. Everyone asleep. You take off your dirty uniform put it in a black bag. Fall into a hot bath too tired to eat dinner, blocking out today's nightmares trying to switch off - what can't be unseen and undone. You unpack your cooler box. Refill your water bottles. Pack your snacks to save time in the morning. You sneak into bed not to disturb your family. You would really like to talk to them. Hold them. Tell them about your crap day. You set the alarm for 4h30am as you fall asleep the nightmares start.
Day 2 : alarm goes off - you drag yourself out of bed 3 hours sleep - your family still sleeping - your body hurts somewhat, bruised from that last call yesterday. You let the dogs out. Have breakfast. Pack your lunch and frozen water bottles into your cooler box. Time to leave. You look back at your house not sure if you will be back. The lights are off - they are still sleeping. You arrive at the station - vehicle handovers, pack and check the vehicles. 07h00 you are ready to roll for the day. Another late call- knock off at 20h00. Drive home tired. Home by 21h30. I can leave my cooler box till tomorrow. Spend 1 hour with some of the family. Have a long bath - maybe watch a movie to forget the nightmares of the 2 days. I can sleep in until 07h00 - then get up do chores got to gym. Catch up on admin.
Day 3: Get ready for night shift. Cook dinner - welcome everyone home from their day. Sit and eat dinner like a normal family. Then I pack my cooler box and leave for night shift. Day 3:. Handover - vehicle check - pack car and ready to roll at 19h00. Somewhere between 23h30 and 03h00 you question life. WTF am I doing here instead of being with my family. Then you save a life - bring a dead kid back to life and you know why you do this and no one else can. You feel upbeat - on a high. You get home at 09h30 traffic was bad. Sort out your cooler box - have breakfast - bath get into your pj's and sleep. Lucky if you get 3 to 4 solid hours with life happening around you.
Day 4: At 16h00 you start to prepare for your 2nd night shift your last of your 4 days on. Looking forward to your 4 days off to recover. Have dinner with family, but you are not really with them, your mind wanders off preparing for night shift. Arrive at work, you are really beat - could sleep for days . You feel slow. Change of shift. Handovers, vehicle checks. Ready to rock n roll at 19h00. That big one comes in - you work non stop the whole night. Pulling bodies out - people pleading begging for their loved ones - taming that beast. You are wet, dirty, cold and your eyes and chest burn. You left in a rush so your snacks and water back at the station. You have held in your pee since 19h30 and it is now 08h00 and you are still at it. 09h00 the relief shift comes in. You drag your weary butt back to station. Clean up in a daze as you munch on your snacks from last night - drink water. You are clumsy so mess all over the place, now you have to clean that up too. Have a cup of coffee, not sure how you are going to stay awake while driving home. - it's around 11h30 when you drag your broken body home and let your family know "I made it home". You bath get into your pj's and try to block out the last four days. You sleep, but on and off.
You walk around punch drunk for 2 days of your 4 off days. Day 3 you start to feel a little human. By day 4 you are mostly still tired but you got this now for the next four days. To the world and you, we are lucky to have days off. We are lazy. We should work harder. Well mate if it were that easy I don't see you doing it. Think first before you judge us. What have we just seen that will haunt us forever. Where have we just been and where will we be going next?. Maybe your house. Maybe your child."
It is hardly surprising that with irregular sleeping patterns, exhaustion, erratic eating patterns and a body in a permanent adrenaline rush I would end up overweight while going through menopause. So now I had a plan, a support system in place and nothing was going to stand in my way.
I set a realistic goal and in the first 2 months I lost 8 kg. I felt better, healthier and more energetic. I still have a long way to go to reach my target, but it was a great start and confidence booster. Yes I had a low self esteem and lacked confidence. I am a public speaker and had let that part of my profile drop somewhat. I did not feel good in any clothing, nor did I feel confident standing up on stage looking fat. I was so self conscious on how I looked, how the public saw me and how I was supposed to be this wonder-woman going on these amazing tough adventures and have a physically demanding job and yet I looked like a telly tubby.
I met with Thomas and we kicked my programme off with a training session, a pep talk and various NPL products were sent to me via their free delivery service. I was really excited as for the first time in a very long time I felt like I was going to beat this, This was the push I needed to get my my body back and my life back on track. I have known Thomas for nearly 20 years and he has worked from time to time with me so he understanding me fairly well and what drives me. I wanted to take part in cross-fit but I am a extremely competitive person more so with myself and would end up hurting myself as my mind is way stronger than my physical body. Thomas told me to trust him and his team.
I followed the NPL women's diet and lost 8kg. I would start off with my whey protein shake with water for my breakfast at around 5h30am then take my supplements. Mid morning would be rice cakes with cottage cheese and lunch was chicken breast with salad/steamed veggies. Afternoon snack would be my whey shake and a green apple, followed by a dinner of steak and steamed veggies. Easy to follow on my 4 off days but a nightmare during my 4 day shifts, so we had to come up with a plan.
Hurling the extra weight up flights of stairs and fitting comfortably in my bunker gear was a challenge!!
I found this amazing cooler box at Dischem and knew this would be perfect for me to pre-prepare my meals with style. I cook my lunches 2 days ahead and keep them in the fridge. I keep 2lt iced bottle of water with 2 scoops of BCCA (my favorite is Cherry) to sip on the entire day especially when I need extra energy. I have one Whey protein shake pre-prepared and ready to mix with water, with my rice cakes, cottage cheese, biltong, green apple and supplements all neatly packed. It comes with 2x ice packs you slip into side pockets on either side of the main pouch as well all the containers. Your shake and juice bottles fit in the big side pouches. It carries everything I need. I top up my snacks and supplements which stay permanently in the bag and only 2 containers with my chicken and veg and my energy drink is changed everyday. I have other containers that fit so I cook my meals ahead of my 4 shifts and put them into the fridge and only have to grab them in the morning before shift. Took a while to get used to, but now it's my routine. I go through a lot of cooler boxes at work and it is the best one by far.
As the weeks passed I started to get into a routine and found that weight lifting was something I really enjoyed. I loved the feeling of complete power and psychological strength I got from pushing out the envelope while using the Smith machine. It was a whole new adrenaline shift for me. and I was addicted to its power. I felt like Xena princess warrior and I liked it.
I really enjoy swimming and usually swim straight after my 2 night shifts. I find it relaxing and rather therapeutic. I go over my calls and sort my head out, then I can go home and sleep before the next night shift. I changed my swimming tempo though. Instead of the 100 odd laps x2 weekly I had to concentrate on a shorter time period in the water with more intense quicker training to get the weight off. I try to keep my exercise to 45 minutes.
As my strength and confidence grew, I took on more challenges, like rock climbing. I try to fit in at least 1 session a week. It has helped me with my fine motor skills, my fear of heights and strengthened my hands and arms. helped me with balance and agility. I bought myself a harness and climbing shoes with a cool chalk bag. I have since joined City Rock in Randburg and I am loving it. My youngest son joins me on most of my sessions as this is one of his passions which we share together. I boulder mostly and have now started the self belay walls and growing with strength and confidence.
Earlier in the year I had a bit off a shoulder injury which prevented me from taking part in some of my gym routines, I felt really bumped and regressed a bit. But even through this I maintained my weight. I did not put on any weight over Christmas despite cheating (who doesn't over christmas). My training was a little erratic at the beginning of this year, and then I got really bad flu that saw me have to take nearly 3 weeks off all exercises. I managed to climb a rather technical mountain in the Cape recently with two strong male climbing mates. Thank goodness for the wall climbing as it gave me strength. Today I hit the gym again and was even squatting 60 kg with the Smith machine. It felt really good to be back and it can only be forward from now on. I will be going onto another programme soon from NPL to the next level and trying out their new products.
I would like to thank the team from the Yellow Army for believing in me even when I did not. For helping me to get this far. They sponsor me with all my products and this is a great motivator as a loyal person I am determined not to let them down, So I will continue no matter how long it takes to achieve my goals and get my body back. I look forward to sharing another blog with you soon on my progress over the next 3 months. Keep strong, keep motivated and you will reap the rewards!
The Team Zodwa Project ™
Member: FGASA (Field Guides Association of Southern Africa)
Member: Vincent de Paul Victory Park (St Charles Catholic Church)
Member: Vincent de Paul Victory Park (St Charles Catholic Church)
Photo Credits: Kim Williams Copyright
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Kim Williams | Adventurer | Founder The Team Zodwa Project & Adventure with a purpose | Finalist Johnny Walker/Sunday Times Nation’s Greatest Hero Award | #Reachoutbeahero & #Adventurewithapurpose & #Trek4Hunger Ambassador |Brand Ambassador Eatfresh SA| Public Speaker|Facilitator| Outstanding Founders list @MagnificHQ |Outstanding People List @GirlsRunThings | Blogger| Fizzical National Everyday Hero Winner
Mobile 083 962 6707
Twitter @777adventurekim
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Blog mountaingirl777.blogspot.com
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“Life is an adventure…so live it. It’s your choice!”™
The Team Zodwa Project ™
Reach out...be a hero!™
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