Adventure with a Purpose: Mt Elbrus 20016 - The build up - my private loss and personal drive #trek4choc #trek4kidzwithcancer

Over the years I have been touched and suffered the devastating effects of cancer. My own mother when I was nine was diagnosed with cancer and given 2 weeks to live and my life was turned upside down. She was lucky she survived and is celebrating her 80th birthday in November 2016.

I remember as a child all of nine visiting my mom at St Augustine's hospital in Durban. The fear as I walked those long corridors. The strong hospital smells. The fear of never seeing my mom again. She was allowed to come home one weekend as she lay recovering. I was a wee first aider and had joined the local Red Cross. Bearly clutching my newly acquired home nursing certificates I was tasked to dress her wounds. Dr Youngleson was her surgeon and her leg was nicknames "the Youngelson Sharkbite". I remember looking at her huge wound and having to be very brave as I took off the dressings, cleaned her wounds and redressed them. My gran got the Red Cross award for her bit during the 2nd world war. She even swam into the ocean to rescue wounded soldiers after their boat was torpedoed. My mother was a nurse before she got married and also did her bit to rescue a man trying to jump off a bridge and later another man who tried to drown himself at sea. So certain things were expected of me. I had no choice but to be ready. She had a large wound that covered her entire buttock where a skin graft had been taken. When she finally came home I continued to dress her wounds until she was better. It was a very big deal to a small little nine year old and set me on a journey where I find myself today. No one else was around to assist so I had to grow up very quickly and not be afraid. We stayed with family friends while my mother was at hospital and I remember the many times I cried myself to sleep and comforted my little sister who did not really understand what was happening, she was 5 years old. My sister and I had our whole world rocked upside down and turned into turmoil and fear.

When I was 14 years old I had a cancerous mole cut out my back, I was lucky they got it all. I remember watching the fear in my mom's eyes, that fear I would later hold as my own as we waited to see that my own daughter got the all clear. 1 year of hell. I remember the fear of dying at the tender age of 14 not being able to carry on with my dreams and my life. I was lucky. Many children are not! The key was it was identified and caught early which is why I am still here.

I have faced cancer as a daughter, a child, a mother and as a friend.

In the past 6 months I have lost two people dear to me that I both admired and had great respect for. Nick whom I really loved like an uncle and mentor. he loved my adventures and supported me with very stern warnings as to my safety. As he did regarding my work as a paramedic. He understood the dangers but he never judged me as to why I did what I did, nor did he tell me to give up my work, my passion and my life as many do when I had encountered danger, instead he would tell me that he would pray extra hard for me. Light a candle and pray the Rosary for my protection. He understood this was my journey. We saw each other at mass every Sunday night. 20 odd years ago when I started the more modern church band for the youth, he would be my biggest critic as to what music he liked or disliked as to our performance and how we should go about improving out skills. He sat right behind us watching us. He still sat behind the band all these years later watching his niece and my daughter play and sing in the very same band I had long handed over to the younger ones. His place sits empty behind the band now and I find it so very hard to look in that direction. I miss him. I miss our candid and real chats. We trained our dogs on Sundays together and watched as they grew up mine becoming somewhat aggressive and extra protective of me and his always full of fun and energy a typical staffie. We would spend time discussing what was working and what was not and encourage each other.

I miss chatting after mass, the warm hug and naughty twinkle in his eye. His quick wit and sharp humour. We used to meet during the week for our Renew group and he would always have us in stitches. He was a good and devoted Catholic, devoted uncle and mentor to many and has left a deep void in the lives of all he knew. Our parish priest Father James and Nick grew up together and were life long childhood friends and we would hear about all the antics the two of them would get up to. He was a joy to many. This is why I will be taking Nick up to Elbrus with me, carrying him in my pocket to inspire and encourage me. Remembering who quick and brutal his battle with cancer was. How he fought and never wanted to give up.

To my courageous old Sheppy High school friend Sharon McCann Freeman. She fought a long and hard battle. She won, she fought, she won and we all thought she had beaten this and she was well for some time. Sharon was able to share in some special memories with her children during this time. Then it came back so fiercely that it was impossible to win. She made peace with this and chose to spend what little time she had left with her beloved husband, children and friends. She was a great mom and grandmother. At school she was always the wise one, the peacemaker with the most unbelievable eyes that were always so alive and twinkled forever. She then moved to England and made a new life there. Such a dedicated mom, her love for her family echoed in all that she did, such a strong but gentle soul. I will hold onto your courage and what you stood for. She followed my crazy adventures and we would often talk about them. RIP my dear friend

This year I will be adding 2 more mascots to my usual Elephant - backdraft.

I will be taking along Monty Monster and Keemo. Pink Monty Monster was made for me and if you look closely you will see he has no mouth. the reason is that children can tell him their secretes and they will be kept safe because Monty Monster cannot speak. He was made especially for me and my Elbrus trip by a mom of a cancer survivor so he is really special to me.

Keemo is one of CHOC's mascots and I will speak more of him later. But he assists in education and helping children deal with this shitty disease.

So who is Backdraft my little elephant?

When I started climbing bigger mountains and started my quest to climb for charity and in particular children's causes, my best friend, fellow fire fighter and climbing partner Khabo was by my side. We competed in World Rescue Camps and National Champs together. We fought fires and saved lives together. We climbed Kilimanjaro in 2009 and on the 6th April 2010 at 19h55 she was shot dead by her policeman husband. He shot her 7 times. Even with a bullet to her head and neck she ran down the side of her house and managed to get through the kitchen door locking it behind her to protect her children and her mother. She fell into her mother's arms and the last thing she said was "Ma Henry shot me in the head". I sat beside her bloodied body, her eyes wide, on her kitchen floor soon afterwards in a complete daze and blamed myself. Henry had been abusing her and I encouraged her to leave or he would kill her. She did and he did anyway. He was found a few hours later in their house. he had shot himself. Khabo was a kind and generous soul, full of fire and courage. She would collect food from the local supermarkets with the ambulance and drop it off at the squatter camps. She would have people drop off clothing at the Fire Station so she could hand them out. She was a karate and aerobics instructor and would have regular gym activities to raise funds for orphanages. She had a six pack and was drop down dead gorgeous. We were "KK team fire" about to set the world alight then it came crashing down. It took me a long time to put my boots back on and carry on without her. She was a true Zulu, brave, fierce, honorable, protective and a warrior. Wise and a matriarch within her community and I got Backdraft to take up with me on the mountains as a reminder of Khabo, that she was with me in spirit. Her spirit and soul reminded me of our beautiful African Elephant and I treasure all my memories and times with her. When I sit on the mountain I feel close to her carrying her dreams tucked away in my heart.